Can I start with the St. Patty's jokes now?
Why not, right? Here goes one I like to call:¬†"You've Been Out Drinking Again"
An Irishman had been drinking at a pub all night. The bartender¬†finally said that the bar is closing. So the Irishman stood up to leave¬†fell flat on his face. He tried to stand one more time; same result. He¬†figured he'll crawl outside and get some fresh air and maybe that will¬†sober him up. Once outside, he stood up and fell on his face again.
So he decided to crawl the four blocks home. When he arrived at the door he¬†stood up and fell flat on his face. He crawled through the door and into his¬†bedroom. When he reached his bed he tried one more time to stand up.¬†This time he managed to pull himself upright, but he quickly fell right¬†into the bed and is sound asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow.
He was awakened the next morning to his wife standing over him, shouting,
"SO YOU'VE BEEN DRINKING AGAIN!" Putting on an innocent look,¬†and intent on bluffing it out he said, "What makes you say that?"¬†"The pub just called; you left your wheelchair there again."